Friday, January 24, 2014

My life is more than this illness.

  Last night I researched my symptoms and decided to calmly call an ambulance.   About 5 days ago I had some heart pain and tachycardia.   Since then I have had some chest pain.  Then last night my left arm started to ache, ok it hurt like hell,  bad enough that I got worried.  I imagined telling people how I was feeling and then imagining that they would all probably tell me to go to the ER.   This was reinforced by the lovely ER people.

  Long story short.  I stayed calm and learned that my heart looks fine.  All my labs looked good and I was told by a nurse to get all my friends to do what I do to get cholesterol and triglycerides to look so perfect.    This is both comforting and frustrating.   There is something wrong but its not my heart.....yay!!!

I had to mark my territory before leaving the hospital.  Empty waiting room with That 70s show keeping me company.

  The culprit most likely is MS.  Fuck MS.  MS is also me.   It is a part of me and I don't want to hate the broken parts of me even though it pisses me off.    I do however want to get better at managing it.   During this week I have had numerous times I could have freaked the bleep out,  but I didn't.   I kept my cool and stared my fear in the ugly pathetic face.  I am making friends with my body and embracing all of me, broken parts and all.

 Its a choice and not one made easily and not one made once.  It is a constant reminder to myself that my body is awesome.   It has experienced so much and is strong.

  Today I feel fantastic, in pain, but fantastic.  Knowing that I am not indeed having heart problems even when all my symptoms point in that direction is freeing and makes the pain manageable.   The magic word of the day is manageable.

  We went to the Feiro Marine Life Center down at the pier and then we went out on the spit this afternoon.
Sun and salt air does wonders for a persons soul.   I even fixed the printer today and that is a huge feat!

  My life is so much more than this illness.  So, enough about that.  I am fine and moving forward.   I have big plans and announcements coming up very soon!

 Thank you for your friendship and support! xoxo



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Cheers,
Angie Bee
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