Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Beauty and brutality, the female condition, oh, and my uterus sucks.

  My uterus sucks!  

  I am hormonal and emotional.   I went to the doctor today and although I am not one to feel uncomfortable with a doctor seeing my lady bits, I am more comfortable seeing women, I still feel violated. 

Those tests today hurt.  I feel resentful towards my body and I don't like that.  I don't want to hate my body but I am absolutely frustrated beyond words with my stupid uterus.  I don't feel violated by the doctor per say but I feel angry that I have to go through all this pain and suffering because my stupid girl parts are whacked out.   Did I mention that the tests hurt....

  I want to contribute to the world and its difficult to do so when physically, emotionally, hormonally, mentally, compromised.  My capacity for complexity is so much lower and it needs to change....take a breath. 





  Biologically speaking, I have played the game and passed on my genetics.  Four times.  There should be a fucking switch I get to shut off when I have paid my dues, when I have done my biological duty for the species.  Blurg.   

  I am considering ablation to stop my periods.  I don't want to do hormonal birth control and the IUD is no longer working.   So, it's try the ablation and then if that doesn't work or if there is an issue with doing it, then the next option is a hysterectomy.   

  Tests need to be done in order to see if I am a good candidate for ablation, which in and of itself sounds brutal.  Beauty and brutality, the female condition.

Today, I had a biopsy of my uterine lining done, which HURT!  Enough to where even I, with a high pain threshold, felt woosy and needed juice and crackers. 

  Now, I don't take surgery lightly AT ALL.  It scares the hell out of me but having this stupid fucking period for 2+ weeks at a time and then getting maybe a weeks reprieve and then to do it all again.   No thanks.   I have had my four children and I don't want any more.  I don't want to be constantly battling anemia and having no sex life.  I deserve better. 

  The midlife crisis part......It's one thing to make a decision that can be reversed and another thing to make a decision that has finality.    It signifies a milestone of sorts.  It makes me wonder and question my purpose in life.  Who am I?   I am I really done having children?  How will this change how I see myself, how others see me?  Do I really have to accept that I am getting older?  It all seems silly but I suppose I have to do this crap and ponder these ideas.  Oh, and the hormonal and emotional part, yeah, that doesn't help.   It just makes me want to cuss. 

  Why am I writing about it?  Because I think that we as women should feel comfortable being open about our bodies.  So, I am being open about mine.  Being a woman can be fabulous.  We make life.  It was awesome and fascinating and I appreciated every bit of it and plan to help others with their child birthing milestones.  But, now I am done having my own babies.  I want to move on.   My body served me well and was strong and capable in the baby making, birthing and baby sustaining department but now I want my brain back.   I want to make fitness gains and progress.  I want to be better and I don't think accepting where I am right now is enough. 

Come on nature, work with me here and if you won't.... science, please don't fail me. 

Have you had ablation or a hysterectomy?  What are your thoughts and advice?


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Thursday, April 17, 2014

a quick core exercise video for handstands

  I don't have an exercise ball.  You know that big ball that you can use for just about everything, well, I haven't replaced the last one.   It is fabulous for working your core for handstands.

  So, I improvised and used the rolling office chair that I have.  

  I like to put my big ol' bun next to the wall and it makes me feel a bit more stable.  Eventually I won't need the wall at all for this especially since I am not afraid to fall otherwise.

  The goal is to get the hips to float over the shoulders and then lift the legs up the rest of the way up.   I WILL get there someday!!!

  Do you have any tips or tricks for working your core for handstand??
xoxo

 

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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

It's all falling into place

  We took a big risk moving to Washington.  It was a calculated, well thought out, and researched risk but a big leap of faith none the less.  All the pieces seemed to fit when we first moved here and landed in Port Angeles.   Even though we wanted to just stay put for a while, it wasn't quite right.  

  So we researched more and decided to move to Bremerton, about an hour and a half away from Port Angeles and closer to Seattle.  That again was another risk.  It all made sense logically and I covered all the bases in my research but you know, the universe does its own thing ultimately.  

  What can you do though besides believe that it will all work out and that if it doesn't you will be ok anyways?

  Today though, it all seems to be falling into place!   I love our house and our neighbors and the woman that will be working with Jupiter doing his ABA program came over today to meet us and meet Jupiter.  I have a good feeling about her!!   As soon as his program is put together she can start working with him.   

  AND  I just got off the phone with the people at the Bradley Childbirth education office and my application to become a teacher was accepted!   My class is in June but I can start on reviewing the reading material and outlining books.   
  
  This is something I have had on the back burner for years now.   The spawn are old enough to be ok with me being gone for 4 days to do the workshop and I will be teaching out of my home so I will still be to work from home.  The Superhero is excited for me too and he is so supportive. 

  Its all falling into place.   I believe in the good things comin' comin' comin'...  xoxo


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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Happy video, birthday sandwiches, and Happy Birthday to me!

Today I turn 37.  I had a few moments in the bathroom looking at the grays at my temple and wondering what I would look like with just a bit of "work" on my face to make it look younger.  I don't indulge in those thoughts often but, you know,  its my birthday.  I don't look real tired today and I feel good so the thoughts didn't last long. 

   My lovely little spawn, Milo, turned 8 today!  I love sharing a birthday with that boy!

Today is the day to get all those fabulous Facebook birthday wishes on Facebook.   My favorites were one about all the adventure and growth over this last year and a friend also posted the Happy video.

  What have I done today?  I went to the store to get dorritos, birthday sandwich ingredients, and soda.  This is what Milo wanted for his birthday.  No cake.  Just a birthday sandwich and dorritos.   Other than the store.  Nothing.  Well, not nothing because I ate too much but I just don't feel like doing anything.  So, I'm not going to!   I might make some jewelry later.  My father sent a whole bunch of crystals for my birthday.  How cool is that!!  I might get creative, but for now, Im just chillin. 



  This year has been pretty spectacular and the coming year looks to be full of opportunity and new endeavors.   I just sent in my application to become a Bradley Childbirth educator.  My class is in Seattle this summer.  Im making art again and am relaxed and inspired. 

he won't eat his chips with is fingers  :)  Did I mention how much I love this boy!?!?

  This time last year I was searching and searching on Craigslist for a house in Washington. We made the decision to get the hell outta the midwest.   We just couldn't take another winter and after this last winter, we are entirely sure that we made the right choice.  We decided in April of last year to move  and were gone in just a couple of months.   We sold, threw away, and gave away all of our stuff except what we could fit in the van.    We didn't know anyone in Washington and slept in a tent for a few days until we found a house to rent in Port Angeles.

  Now we are in Bremerton and I am loving it here!  The people here are so friendly and easy going.  Jupiter will start his ABA program in a few weeks and we have wonderful neighbors AND we love our house.  

 On Sunday I spent the day at an arts and crafts fair.  I am making and selling seaglass jewelry to raise money for my childbirth educator training.  I had a blast!  I used to do art shows all the time when I blew glass and it was nice to be in that environment again.  It is fabulous to be making things again!!

  This time last year I was starting the #handstand365 challenge.   I am on day 344 today!  Im so close!  Someone said today that they expect great things for the last day....  Meh.  Its just going to be another day, much like today.  I plan to keep going anyways.  

  The thing is, is that I am content with days being just days.   It doesn't make them any less spectacular but I like being able to turn the intensity up or down depending on what the day calls for. I used to be way more wound up and intense.  Now I'm cool with just chillin out today.   Maybe its being in my 30s.  Maybe its being a mom.  I think its mainly that I have all that I need and feel happy.   Its taken a lot to get here and it will probably change tomorrow or at least one of these days.  Today though.......its a good day to have a good day. 

  Here's to another fabulous year of growth and exploration and being happy! 



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Monday, March 31, 2014

3 must have pieces of workout wear and why workout clothes matter.

  It's hard to be a sweaty mess in front of other people let alone just get out there and move at all!  We have to make time.  We have to talk ourselves into working hard.   It's easier to just put it off another day.   Being self-conscious about what I look like does not help.  It’s important to have workout clothing that makes you feel good about the way you look.  Clothing that inspires you!

  Great clothing not only helps us feel good about ourselves and the way we look but it changes our outlook on everything.   I know that when I feel like I look good, I have more confidence and my whole mindset changes.    When I'm all sweaty and reaching deep inside to pull off one more set, and I look up and see myself in the mirror and like my clothes, it gives me confidence.

  So, imagine wearing unflattering clothing that makes you feel frumpy.   It gives you a crappy attitude and there are enough things in the world that challenge our attitudes.   Now, the clothing does not need to be super expensive and anything in particular.   It just has to make you feel good about YOU!

  Good apparel combines fashion and function.  I have had some amazing minimal shoes that had everything I wanted in a minimal shoe.   They were ugly though.   I won't name names but I don't wear them because they don't make me smile when I look down at my feet the way the sunshine yellow shoes do.    Same goes with my pants and tops.


  So, whether you are at the park with your spawn or at a busy gym or in your living room alone early in the morning, invest in some threads that make you feel happy.

Three pieces of workout clothing staples to have are as follows, 

A good pair of black yoga pants.  Skinny leg, wide leg, it doesn't matter and it is totally up to your taste.   But a basic pair of black yoga pants works for everything!  It goes with every color, is slimming, and you can dress it up or down.  Black pants go with your bright Hi Tops and your ballet flats.   After you get your black pair, then go for some color!  Something that makes you smile and feel sassy!

  A good fitting tank is a must.  You will get hot moving and since spring is here, it’s the perfect time to get out and get some sunshine after that long winter.   I love my tanks to hug my hips and yet still stay a little loose in the middle.  It’s great for the spontaneous inversion.   There are so many tops to choose from but I find that a tank and hoodie combo is my favorite!  Tanks are so great for layering.  Consider whether or not you want a tank with a built in bra.

A comfortable jacket, hoodie, or pullover.  Not too heavy and one that you can move in.   I like mine to zip up as it's a pet peeve to pull things over my head and mess up my already unruly hair.  I also like my hoodies to be longer and go down to my hips.   Whatever you choose, you will love to pull it on over your tank.   It also doesn't really matter if it’s a "running" jacket or a "yoga jacket".  Most workout clothing is interchangeable.  Just check the fabrics as you shop.   Oh, and definitely explore the fabulousness that are thumb holes!!




 I hope this helps you and your workout journey.  Let me know what your favorite workout gear is in the comments! 

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Saturday, March 29, 2014

XeroShoes Sensori Venture Giveaway!


It's that time of year again when the warmer weather makes us want to free our feet!  New sandals is just the way to celebrate spring! 

Up front, I don't like to tie my huaraches.   I have tried and I can tie a good knot BUT I loathe having to readjust a shoe over and over.   Some people can do it no problem.  I want my sandals to just slip on and not have to think about them again.   You can tie them that way but I have not yet mastered it. 

The Sensori Venture by XeroShoes are brilliant!   They come pre-laced and I didn't even have to adjust them when I first put them on.   My favorite part about these is the silicone heel strap.   You can adjust at the heel and the tension at the top of the foot as well.   It holds the shoe snug to your foot but doesn't rub the wrong way. 



  The only adjusting I have done is trimming them down a bit to fit my foot perfectly.   They have a soft yet strong toe post.  The sizing determines where the toe post will go and then you can trim as necessary.



  The side holes never touch the ground and don't rub the side of the foot. The heel cup is comfortable, keeps stuff out, and adds some color accent.  They have some new colors out that makes a total of six to choose from!


The tread is 5.5 mm FeelTrue outsole with lovely traction.   I have played all over in these from city streets, playgrounds, scrambling over wet rocks at the seaside and on slippery muddy trails, and have felt confident that I wouldn't eat it in any of those places!

  I love the feel of bare feet and yet so want some protection from the terrain.   There is also a new sandal out called the Amuri Cloud.   Definitely go check that out!


Now who puts a 5,000 mile warranty on their shoes?? Crazy right, but true!


a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Monday, March 24, 2014

Let your moon and stars flag fly!

  It would be really nice if I could hop out of bed in the morning with a smile on my face and a spring in my step and right away start getting things done.     I have wished this for over 30 years, ever since I had to start getting up for school.   And its just not going to happen.  I'm done fighting it!

  Accepting that I am at my best after noon is just the way it is.  All that I get from trying to be a morning person is grumpiness and suffering.   I can only do it with lots of caffeine and I have given that up again, except the occasional cup socially. 


  There are those people out there that talk about getting up at 4 a.m. to work before the spawn get up and how much they get done.  Blurg.   I sleep in.......and I love it!     I have always had a hard time falling asleep at night.  Ever since I was a little girl.   In the morning is when I have some of my most memorable dreams and ideas. 

  I can work like a horse though at midnight!   My best workouts, runs, and yoga have been at night.  My best art is always made in the late afternoons at that wonderful time of day when the light is just right and the mood is mellow.   It's best in the summer when the air is warmer and the scents of summer come out to inspire the mind and soul.  You know the ones, BBQ, fresh cut grass, flowers, laundry. 

   I am thankful for a laptop to and headphones.  I am thankful for spawn that can sit quietly and watch a show or play a game on their iPads in the evenings.   I am thankful that our schedule has lots of freedom and flexibility for me to do things in the afternoons and evenings  AND to sleep in if I want to.  

  For now, we are homeschooling all four of the spawn and I LOVE not being woken up by an alarm unless its to go have coffee with my neighbor. 

  So,  I raise my cuppa herbal tea to the night owls out there!!! Don't feel bad for not being a morning person.  Let your moon and stars flag fly loves!

  Are you a morning person or a night owl?  Whats your secret to productive mornings that flow and are not super forced?

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Angie Bee