Sunday, January 31, 2010

Sucky Sunday and a 10 happy things list.



  I am going to get my rant on. Then I am going to balance it out with one of those (hopefully) inspiring happy 10 things that rock my socks lists. You have been warned. Ok not really my life is pretty dang cushy compared to some but really some things just suck and need to be called out.

  I am in need of some serious detox.  I ate McDonalds yesterday and candy. It was my oldest son's 10th birthday and I took him and his friend to the Science Center. Then to McDonalds for some grub. Grubs would have been better for us but that caramel sundae and that McDouble no bun sure tasted good going down the old throat hole.
Sammy is the guy in the front  with the smirk and moose antlers. That boy is in the double digits now!!  Love ya Sammo and had fun yesterday with you!


  We had a fun although  Jupiter  had a rough time with all the people. We are doing a brushing sensory trial program and it has to be done every two hours so we did some brushing in the family restroom and found a few quiet people free corners of the science center to chill out.
  
  The McDonalds was yummy while I had it in my mouth but of course I am led once again to believe that they put some kind of addictive drug in their food that makes you want more even when it makes you feel like shit.  Same with sugar.  I know there are some biological theories to support that portent of mine but for now I just wish I could fast for at least a week. Alas.....
  I also have been fighting off a bug for the last 5 days and still feel worn down but I have been sleeping and eating plentifully in order to give my body fuel and time to fight this thing off. Glad I am ahead on my running goal for the month. I want to always be about a week ahead just in case.
  Living with kids sucks sometimes. They are little germ factories. One of the upsides I suppose is that the cranky is balanced out with lots of snuggles when sick and with a two year old the cranky is sometimes not even close to being evened out with niceness. Feeling like dookie and then hearing a suffering little one crying and whining in that particular nail on chalkboard voice makes one consider terrible things indeed.  

Des Moines winters suck. The snow fell in early December and is still on the ground. The sun is shining and inviting and yet its 12 degrees out. Cabin fever and low vitamin D levels make for very cranky people.

  Gray hairs. WTF is up with gray hairs. I am only 32 and have a few sprouting here and there and its just something that makes me want to cuss.  I am not going to dye my hair to cover them up. The chemicals and money and maintenance...ect jeesh.  I have done the home dye job thing enough times to know that I am now done with that and have learned my lesson but those gray hairs mock me. The last three times I have gone to the science center I have found gray hairs while standing washing my hands in the restroom. Something about that light just brings them out.

 My dear one doesn't have a single one and he is five years older than me and has dark hair that would make gray stand out. I look for them but nope, not even in his beard. I have read that it's genetics, mineral deficiencies, stress, whatever. They came about after I shaved my head to start over last year from the mohawk.  So now to work on aging gracefully since I wont be trying to hide it. 

   I could do a whole slew of posts about autism and how it really bites the big one but I just can't do it. I still hold out hope that my Jupiter will read and write someday and may come upon my writings and I don't want him to read a bunch of posts about how awful it was.  I will say that it is hard.
    I feel so much love for this person and really don't know what to do to help him. He can't tell us what he needs, thinks, feels and so we are left guessing. He has very annoying stress relieving   mechanisms that drive us mad yet he is so full of anxiety. We have tried so many things and thought that "this will be the thing to bring him back" each and every time. We have shelled out loads of cash for a treatment or moved out of state to get better services(which was still better than the alternative of staying). Sometimes a treatment helps such as the Gluten and casein free diets but the rest I am not so sure about.
  
  Then out of nowhere it gets worse and the things that used to work no longer do and to top it off, he is not happy. Its rare to get a smile. Six months ago he was happy and smiling and laughing and snuggly. Everyone that works with him stays at a distance out of fear of an attack. He has regressed and we don't know why. It leaves me feeling so very tired and sad with a constant low lying tension.

  The thing about autism is that no one knows what it is.  The difference between say Cancer or Parkinsons and autism is that we know that cancer is any mallignant growth or tumor caused by  abnormal and uncontrolled cell division and then it can be labeled and broken down into other categories.  No one knows what causes it or how to cure it but we know what it is and have  a starting point.  Many other diseases are the same way.

 Autism is a guessing game really and little support or money to help. There are some theories and some kids are helped but not all respond to the treatments in the same way. We don't know what it is so how do you treat it?  Then there are the bureaucratic loop holes to jump through when you do find an agency that might provide some aid.  Baaahhh. Look another gray hair!!


So now I have to be done with the rants or it will turn into a sad, sappy anger spiral that will go out of control and I will forget about all that is good in my life.  In no particular order, here is my list of 10 things that make me happy.
  1.   My dear one Jaymon. My comrade, my partner, oh how I love the. He has saved me from myself countless times and he does the dishes everyday. He yells at the kids when they just won't listen to me and he chops wood all sexy like. He makes me laugh even when I don't want to. He is now a barefoot runner and we have something to talk shop about. I truly could go on and on!
  2.   I have all that I need and I like what I have and then some, like a computer and coffee maker. This is more than one thing but I thought I would jam it all into a necessities category. 
  3. My children of course need to be mentioned. I have 4 healthy strappin' young men that I am honored to be the mother of. They give me purpose and motivation to be a better person. There is never a shortage of giggles and shenanigans in this house.
  4. That illustrious light at the end of the tunnel. In particular, the  moment you realize that everyone is on the mend from being sick. 
  5. Good coffee. 
  6. That Zen feeling while  running when you think you could run forever and never stop. The tingling yummy endorphins and sense of  wellbeing after you stop at the end of a hard or long run are pretty darn groovy too!
  7. Wonderful books to read and knowing that the series is set to have 23 in it!
  8. Winter sanity helpers. These inclued the treadmill, Vitamin D suppliments and soup.
  9. Having a huge backyard with nutrient rich soil just waiting to have a garden planted in it.
  10. Lots of things to do. Nine miles to run and the second season of Trueblood to watch (thanks Brooks!). I have cute magnets that are very late christmas gifts that are now valentines gifts that need to be finished. Books to read and a house to clean. Oh yeah and clean clothes to put away and dirty ones to wash. I certainly can not bitch about being bored!
This turned into a very long post. I should post short ones more often!
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I provide Bradley Method childbirth education, doula, belly casting, placenta encapsulation, and post partum doula services.
I serve families in Kitsap County, Bainbridge Island, Poulsbo, Bremerton, Silverdale, Kingston, Port Townsend, Bremerton, Port Orchard, and the greater Seattle area. email me atangiebeehotz@gmail.com with any questions you might have