Thursday, March 4, 2010

Putting things off, fear and Bubble Toes

Lots of things swirling around the thinking machine lately and Hello to the new followers!!

  There are some things that drive me nuts and the only one to change them is me!  So this will sound like a rant but its not really just that if I say it "out loud" then I will somehow be accountable right, so here goes.....

   I have tried and failed at making a gluten free energy bar that doesn't turn me into super bitch. Gluten makes me mean and feel like I am going to need a padded room.  I have not given up on my energy bars and am excited to get the rest of the ingredients today to try again. It was a learning experience that had a pretty big effect on about 2 days in their entirety until it was out of my system but I do appreciate the perspective I gain when I am infracted since it gives me great insight to how my children feel when they too eat gluten and my compassion grows.

  The issue was the gluten free rolled oats.  If you are sensitive to gluten or have Celiac disease, I do not recommend them. The oats themselves are gluten free but the cross contamination from the other parts of the plant are pretty much inevitable and unavoidable. So, I am going to replace them with rice cereal.  The pumpkin seeds where a great idea and will remain in recipe however I was an ass (I should know better after 5 years of special diets) and didn't take my time to carefully read the packaging that states that they are processed on shared equipment.

  Running. It is getting warm outside and I can venture out into the sun and get those tootsies out of the shoe coffins.  Every time I run outside I get scared.  Every. single. time.  Perhaps announcing to all the creepies out there that I run alone and am full of fear is not a good idea but I also know that I am not alone in being afraid.
I am strong, capable and knowledgeable enough to be able to defend myself yet still the thought of running on a trail in the middle of nowhere takes some enjoyment out of running and I resent that.  There is so much fear in me about numerous things and I work to minimize it but it is exactly that, work. I have to be calm and diligent or it will rule my life.  Running takes an edge off the fear so its ironic that it also brings the opportunity to feel fear as well. I need a running buddy to go trail running a couple times a week :)  Do you feel afraid when you go out to run alone?

  I am  frustrated with myself at not getting up in the morning. On Monday and Tuesday we get up to go to speech  therapy and I like the way my days go. They are full and productive. On Wed-Friday I get up at the same time and send Jupiter off to school and the bus comes promptly at 7:30. If I did not go back to bed and sleep for a couple more hours, I could be doing that PX90 that is sitting on my desk,or blog, facebook ect ect or better yet, go run.  Instead I give in to the urge to go back to bed and crawl in next to Archimedes and Milo.
I must say that it is a luxury that I do not take for granted however it is not at all necessary and if I would just go to bed earlier I would find it easier to stay up and I would appreciate my weekend mornings sans alarm all the more. The solution, go to bed earlier and by force of sheer will stay up in the morning!  Any tips?  Are you a morning person?

  I have been eating too much.  I have been going over my caloric goal 3-4 days out of the week and it is going to catch up to me and I know it.  I have to get back on track now before it bites me in my bigger ass!   I use the Livestrong Daily plate to keep track of what I eat. It keeps me accountable and aware of what I put into my body so I am aware of what I need to address.

  Starting today I am going to limit my internet time. Lately I have been using it as an excuse to put off getting certain things done. The internet is great for learning and socializing, both needs that are crucial for happiness however I have been putting off other needs and stuff I want to do.
Things that drive me nuts like clean the kids room and get some projects done like adding some clips to Jupiter's talker** and finish the magnets I have been making. I want to  make some gluten free crackers to spread Marmite on and start a new batch of Kombucha**......its a long list!
 I do think that rest and relaxation is necessary for happiness and I find spending time online both restful and relaxing but I just need to cut back.  Its become a bit of an escape from the mundane that I need to find happiness doing instead of just running from it. I need to read "Present Moment, Wonderful Moment" again.

I was reading Don's post over at Running and Rambling and he had posted a video of "Better Together" by Jack Johnson.  He wrote about he and his daughter running and talking music together.  Its a great post and reminded me of my own Jack Johnson sound track to life!  I gave birth to my youngest son Archimedes at home while dancing to In Between Dreams with my dear one, Jaymon.
One of my favorite Jack Johnson songs is Bubble Toes! It always makes me happy so to end this and begin my day of getting some things done. Groove like a jellyfish babies!!

** Jupiter is my son with autism. He is non verbal and uses a Dynavox V communication device to communicate.  It is a handheld computer and I put video clips on there for him. We call it his talker.
**Kombucha is fermented drink made with tea, sugar and a symbiotic colony of yeast and bacteria that feed off of the caffeine and sugar.  The result is a wonderful drink full of B vitamins and beneficial bacteria.


Anonymous said...

Sometimes when running by darkened fields I get a little spooked when I hear nature rustling about.

Julie said...

Hi Angie,
I run on trails after work by myself and I do get nervous. I usually bring my dog with me and am going to get mace. I always have my cell phone in hand too! I don't want to take unnecessary risks, but also don't want to let fear keep me from living like I want to live. So, I go out there and run. And pray that all the creepies are to busy creepin' elsewhere to bother me! : )

AM! said...

I think it's the whole 'energy in motion...stays in motion' for those speech days when it's chalk full of things to do/get to for the day.
I have the same thing over here. If i have a few hours of 'non scheduled or committed' time...I just..slack off! maybe that's what we're supposed to do every once in a while?

Ewa said...

I don't have gluten issues but when we go on longer hiking/backpacking trips I would make our own bars, well balls rather. I would just dump dates, walnuts, sometimes cinnamon in a food processor and then formed little balls (sticky procedure), rolled them either in chopped finely walnuts or cocoa powder and then I would eat them all. That is unless my hubby or son beat me to them. Would that work for you?
Running by myself is a bit of a challenge but in a way I feel like I am brave by not giving in to my fears. This is also a big bragging thing in front of my friends. But honestly I think I am probably safer on trails than in the city. Wanna move to CA and we can run together? Warn you, I am slow.
Limiting internet time? Is such a thing possible? I would have withdrawal issues, I mean major issues. Don't do it, I am telling you, suffering will be awful. :)
In reality this is one of the things I hope I can do.
Kombucha recipe, please. None I have tried worked for me. OK, I tried only tow.

MCM Mama said...

I don't run on trails by myself. It just makes me too nervous. But the trails by us are paved, so it's not like it would be a nice run in the woods if I did run them.

ShellBell said...

I too get scared running on trails by myself. I think trails are much safer than roads, less traffic and worry about getting hit but it's still scary. I'm also scared to run in the dark but that's one of the things I'm going to take on this year and try to conquer. My other worry, at least where I live is not finding my way out of trails. They loop around and intersect and it's confusing. I guess that's not a bad thing because I would run longer :)

Unknown said...

Have you tried quinoa flakes, I think they are gluten free but you would have to check on the packet in case they are done on the same equipment like the oats

Donald said...

Thanks for the link! Bubble Toes is one of my favorites as well - it usually gets stuck in my head during triathlons, when I'm drafting behind someone's feet.

No advice on the gluten issue - sorry.

Anonymous said...

Angie..I've been feeling the same way as of late. Being lazy in the morning...struggling to get out of bed, and eating way too much ! So I'm determined that tomorrow is a new day. I just got done prepping all of my food for the week, and I'm setting my alarm for 4:00. This is our week ;) !

The Boring Runner said...

I am a morning person, but I have no advice on how to become one.... I know that I don't snooze - ever. When my alarm goes off I get out of bed. Maybe that will help?

PS - Jack Johnson is probs my 3rd fav band behind Bare Naked Ladies and DMB. Good choice!

Barry S said...

I read this several days ago, but was too busy to comment properly then. It stuck in my mind, so I came back today to specifically comment.

My wife runs, with her cellphone (of course) but also with a small pressurized air-horn - just in case. Hopefully most muggers wont have the energy or inclination to even consider chasing down a good runner.

I run with my cell phone, but have a similar (but different) fear. I had a really bad heart-attack several years ago, and my fear is that I will be out running somewhere and have another. Have thought about it, and decided that all we can do is 1) take reasonable precautions and not be stupid 2) get on with life and enjoy what we have.

So, my suggestion is to exercise reasonable common-sense, but dont let "what-if's" get in the way of your life.

"life is what happens while we are busy planning..."

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