Monday, February 10, 2014

Struggles, triumphs, and ferry boats

  “From time to time, to remind ourselves to relax and be peaceful, we may wish to set aside some time for a retreat, a day of mindfulness, when we can walk slowly, smile, drink tea with a friend, enjoy being together as if we are the happiest people on Earth.” ― Thích Nhất HạnhBeing Peace

  Alas, our gorgeous little town of Port Angeles is not perfect.  The picturesque town where the mountains meet the ocean is stunning but we can't get ABA therapy for Jupiter up here.  We are just too remote.  A move to Bremerton is in our near future.

  Jupiter and I road-tripped yesterday to Oak Harbor for an evaluation and to get the ball rolling on ABA in Bremerton.  We got to ride on a ferry boat for the very first time and I don't know which one of us was more excited!  I love that we did something new and adventurous!


  Sometimes, I hate to admit, I get resentful of Jupiter's autism.  Absolutely, it is not his fault that he has autism, so its not him, but the autism that is un-fucking-fair.   It is hard work and so much sacrifice, so when I feel tired and have no reserve left I want to place blame.  

 I think, I hope, that it is a normal part of the human psyche.  It is something I am aware of and work on, so on some level, kudos to me for recognizing such an unpleasant and uncomfortable thing.  I cant say that I have always been that mature. 

   After the resentment comes guilt for feeling that way.  I love Jupiter.  Ah, being a mother is so not simple.   Love is what I can always give without doubt.

It snowed just outside of our town and was melted by the time we drove home.


  I think that  I need to recognize that I have those feelings and see them for what they are.   I want to accept and not stuff.   It isn't fair.  Some days really freakin suck and hurt, a lot.   I have been feeling that resentment the last couple of days and a day with just me and Jupie was exactly what I needed.  A day To focus on all the things that make him awesome.   He didn't complain once on our trip.  No fussing, no whining, just a sense of adventure and interest in all that we were doing.

Of course there was yoga on the ferry!  You would think it was strange had there not been.
  Yesterday was fan-freakin-tastic to the max!   Too much of a good thing though.   The fiery aries in me is like that.   I  ended up being gone for too long as the Superhero missed me.  He is my best friend and I missed him too.     Before we did too much, we rode a ferry, twice.   One of these days I will string together all the videos I took!

  I reaise my cuppa tea, the Restful Tazo tea, and thank the universe for the struggles and the triumphs and for riding ferry boats. 


  Don't forget to enter the Be Here Now Tiny Time Pieces giveaway!  Also, please share my GoFundMe page.  I am trying to raise money to attend the Bradley Childbirth instructor training in Seattle in June. 


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Cheers,
Angie Bee
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I provide Bradley Method childbirth education, doula, belly casting, placenta encapsulation, and post partum doula services.
I serve families in Kitsap County, Bainbridge Island, Poulsbo, Bremerton, Silverdale, Kingston, Port Townsend, Bremerton, Port Orchard, and the greater Seattle area. email me atangiebeehotz@gmail.com with any questions you might have