Friday, January 3, 2014

Refusal to let resolutions ruin my New Year

Like Shiva I will dance in the midst of chaos. 
  This whole making resolutions things is stressing me out.  What the hell am I doing?!?!  Screw this. It is not how I want to start the new year being stressed out.   It's defeating the whole purpose although on the upside, I am learning about myself.   I resolve to get out of the over editing hell of feature creep.  The idea that it has to be perfect.  I'M NOT PERFECT and my blog posts can just BE.  But they need to get out there too!

  I have some goals that I want to incorporate and I appreciate New Years spurring my creativity and lighting a fire under my ample backside but I also need to remind myself that just because it's no longer "new years" doesn't mean I can't keep working on this.

  It's sort of like the Monday Effect.  I spent years trying to quit smoking.  years.  "On monday I'm really going to quit this time!"   Many mondays later and I was still smoking like it was impossible to start something on a tuesday night.  I will start a diet. I will start or finish this or that project.  Now I know I am inclined to do that so I watch out for it.  Learning to see that pattern is the personal growth I want to continue.  It's not necessarily measurable though.

  Stale.  Thats how I feel.   I have changed a great deal since I started blogging.  I was running, and had tiny humans, and I was living in the midwest.  Some days I want to quit this blog and just throw it all out the window.   But in the long run I would regret it.  I do however need to keep growing and learning and most of all put myself out there more.  Video has been something I have been avoiding.    I have the tech to edit video and now I have no excuses not to embrace it.   Learning about video editing is where I need to put some energy for a while.  I want to allow myself to get into a creative state which means stop stressing myself out.   It's all me!  I have all the power!

  I am a mother, a wife, I have a son with autism, I have  MS.  I have a drive and commitment to growth and change and becoming what I need to be and that makes me, well, me.  I need to branch out and mix it up.   AND LET GO.   Let go of expectations from others and the ones I put on myself and pretend like I don't have total control to change my mind.  I need to let myself change.

  As far as goals go, I have some ideas but they are still in the works.  Just like me,  its all still in the works.  I will make a plan and then break it down into smaller manageable, measurable goals.
I am wanting to work on my yoga, food journalling, walking, blogging regularly, video editing, posting videos regularly, practicing the ukulele, watching a TED talk video daily, sharing more of my whole life for posterity as much as to hopefully inspire, and to say YES more often than NO.

  Of course there is the love more, eat more veggies, take care of others with the intention of spreading love but also to take care of myself.  Chewing my food better which will lead to mindfulness about food.  Meditate regularly and making time for it.  Such wonderful things to work on.  The most important part of this is my confindence in myself and my confidence in my commitment to personal growth regardless of the details.   I know it will be hard work and I also know that I've totally got this!

  I reserve the right and freedom to bail on any goal that is not serving me, including the one to make New Years resolutions.  I love this time of year and am incredibly inspired but will not stress out about it.  It ends here at the beginning!  I am deleting all the tips and tricks I had written out and am starting over.  Letting go.  They were good ideas but just not for right now.   Maybe I will save them for the spring.....

  Got anything you want to know about me?   Do you have ideas for future blog posts that I should write?   We do things a bit, well a lot really, unconventionally and it might inspire or at least I hope it will!  xoxo

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Cheers,
Angie Bee

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