Sunday, December 29, 2013

Autism hits me in the gut sometimes

  How is it that the day can be absolutely perfect and just what we all needed and then as I sit on my comfy LoveSac with a mug of hot cocoa to go through and edit the photos the damn autism thing hits me in the gut.  Out of no where.


  Autism doesn't bring me down like it used to.  Its always there but it doesn't block out all the light.   It just sometimes slugs me in the gut and takes my breath away to realize that my son who is beautiful and charming doesn't talk.     Its surreal.

  He makes strange noises and doesn't tell us what he thinks or often not even what he wants.  Don't get me wrong, I know there is a whole lot of communication going on besides verbally but its strange to look at him and think that there is anything "wrong" with him.  I do know that most all of the time, probably the same ratio as most of us, he is happy.

  Yesterday when he was playing in the sand and something hurt his thumb  he came to cry and show it to me.  I kissed it and gave him a hug.  He held on and wanted to hug for longer so of course I enjoyed the chance to make his life a little sweeter.

  There are tough times for each of us individually.  We are a family though and magic is all around.    We just step outside and smell the trees and the sea and I am refreshed.  We go to the ocean and everyone is calmer.    


  We explore and find wonderful new beaches.  We went to the Elwha River mouth.  This beach has grown tremendously since the Elwha River damn removal.   Christmas break this year has been all about exploring and going places while we are all together although Jupiter and Archimedes are missing school a bit which is wonderful that they like it so much.


    I learned that spontaneity is wonderful however it doesn't have to be absolute.  Planning to have snacks makes everyone happy including a mom who is thankful that no one complained and when they looked like they might, I filled their mouths with snacks so they would be too busy to complain! The wee fellas have complained on our last few outings.   It was driving me nuts.  I had underestimated the power of snacks.  Even if its a short trip, they need to eat.   We had been too spontaneous and not planned enough and the stress got to them even when we were having fun.
 I learn and adapt and strive to be what I need to be. 

  I hope you are having a wonderful holiday!  I'm working on my New Years post.  It's harder than it should be I think.....

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Cheers,
Angie Bee
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I provide Bradley Method childbirth education, doula, belly casting, placenta encapsulation, and post partum doula services.
I serve families in Kitsap County, Bainbridge Island, Poulsbo, Bremerton, Silverdale, Kingston, Port Townsend, Bremerton, Port Orchard, and the greater Seattle area. email me atangiebeehotz@gmail.com with any questions you might have