Thursday, January 3, 2013
Upward Facing Dog Pose and an epiphany
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
Today's pose was Urdhva Mukha Svanasana or Upward Facing Dog. It is again a heart opener that goes well with the intention of opening the heart and focusing on compassion.
The sun came out today!! It has been days and days since the cloud cover opened. We have had snow on the ground since mid December and it has been cold, cloudy, and bleak. Today I spent a good part of the afternoon chasing the patch of sun around the living room with my yoga mat! It put me in the perfect mood for self introspection.
I am starting to see that by being willing to change and opening my heart up to it, it happens on its own. If I am open to new ideas, they show up. It is not at all comfortable at times but at others its is downright enjoyable. Changing in many capacities is something I have wanted to do and think about often but didn't have structure or real intentions I could use daily. This yoga challenge has given me that and I am very thankful for it.
Today I had an epiphany. I realized that for a very long time I have been keeping my husband from taking care of he and I both. He is a very sensual person, a true Taurus. He likes to touch and is quite affectionate. He is one of those people that will touch your arm when he is talking to you, repeatedly. You know what kind of person I mean. "Those people" that encroach on your space. I however am not a touchy person. I have felt that way since I was a child. I like some affection of course, we need it to survive, but I have been allowing myself to react on my initial negative inclinations towards the superheros affections and it seems as though the more he tries and I get irritated, the harder he tries still, and the harder I push him away and eventually we fight over other things.
As I type this I realize I sound like a cold hearted bitch but I assure you, he is very touchy! It's flattering, as he makes it known that he finds me very attractive. Even after all these years. I feel like I am overly sensitive to the sensory input sometimes. For many years I was touched out! I had a little person nursing or I was wearing one in a baby carrier constantly and the superhero got the brunt of my irritation.
I realized today that a way to be actively compassionate is to tolerate and better yet, change my mind about the affection from my husband. He touches me to reassure me, to reassure himself, to make me feel good, to be funny, because he likes physical contact. I had not really looked at it from his perspective and what his intentions really were. All I could see were my own feelings of discomfort. I want to set my own feelings aside in the matter and see what he needs.
He is very important to me and I want to ease his suffering in this life and make him feel warm and fuzzy. A way for me to do that is to smile and warmly respond to his touch and change my mind about it. The key to changing this is to be aware of my initial reaction and work to change it by repetition and awareness. I don't know quite yet where this aversion to affection came from. I remember feeling it towards people when I was around 6 or 7. I just felt uncomfortable.
Changing this will fundamentally change who I am and I will be taking care of the person I love most in this world. I have been working on it today and I have been very happy. I told him about my epiphany and he was interested in discussing it and was pleased with my efforts to make him feel loved. All it takes is a touch on the arm, a kiss on the cheek, a hand squeeze when we are in a store or walking, or snuggling close when we watch our nightly Star Trek Next Gen episode.
Looking back, I can see times when I have spurned his affections and that made him unhappy which in turn he became irritable and then snapped at the kids or was intolerant to people or situations that he would otherwise not be upset by and it started with me. I can see how I can make a difference in the world.
Not only can I bring more happiness and contentment to his life but to the lives that he touches too. All with a smile and some warmth. I am sure there will be days when his picking me up in a bear hug on my way to the bathroom or when I am busy doing other things will drive me batty but nothing is more important than he is to me.
So who out there is another sensual Taurus? Do you like or dislike physical affection? Are you touched out from too many kids needing to be touched? Anyone else doing yoga challenges?
I wish you well!