I write to you today asking that you intervene on my behalf. Typically I take what the universe hands me and try and deal the best I can. Lately however it seems as though I can't catch a break. Don't get me wrong, I am a lucky lucky girl who has life quite good compared to some but I am suffering lately.
Today I had a Mirena IUD inserted. I thought for sure that there was some GOP old white dude gremlin instead of an IUD being inserted into my uterus, as it was pretty uncomfortable, but now hours later I am not feeling any discomfort. I was more nervous really and now feeling hopeful and staying positive instead of worrying. I am excited about the possibilities that might lie ahead.
I have done much research and forum lurking trying to gleam some insight as to how other women take control of their reproductive business and its a tricky business for sure. It's a gamble and when we loose, such as when birth control makes us fat, or crazy, or our hair fall out, we loose hard when our intentions were ones of being responsible thoughtful adults.
My heart goes out to all the ladies out there and I beseech you, Oh Goddess, to have pity and help us out a bit. We pay a great price to reproduce with the pain and stretch marks, sapping of nutrients, and lack of sleep. I wouldn't change being a bringer of life as I thoroughly enjoyed pregnancy, birth, and nursing. I geeked out on all of it and look back on it fondly. I have a choice now, of which I am grateful for the choice and will speak up to keep that choice, whether or not I want to have more children and ease the discomfort and madness that my period brings.
Thirty five years of being a girl and I can say that it is full of shame and yuck. I am tired of the shame as its unfounded. Half the population is a girl and we should be able to talk openly about our struggles. So I write this open and visible letter to you, Goddess, to bless this writing with courage and moxie that those who read this will be infected with said courage and moxie as I am feeling compassion and empathy for my fellow female.
My body had done amazing and messy things. I have done my time. I have paid my biological dues. I have reproduced and reproduced well. I have nursed my babies for years and years and now I am done. There should be an off switch. I am hoping I have found it.
Its not as important that I stop having a period, it would be nice don't get me wrong, but the crash after my period is just too much. I am down for days and I can't take care of myself or my family if I am in bed with such debilitating fatigue. So if this whole Mirena thing works, maybe I will get to keep those days and do something with them. I want to be able to decipher what is hormones and what is the MS bullshit.
Like I said, I am done having babies and wanting to focus on raising those young men and having to deal with PMS, pain, headaches, cramps, and the expense of tampons, makes it difficult to stay focused and appreciate this next phase in my life. I have hit the age when things get a little whacked out and I am taking responsibility for my body and mind but could use a little bit of a smile from the Goddess. Please bless my IUD.
From one bringer of life to another I wish you well and thanks for listening, Goddess.