Friday, December 3, 2010

Negotiations

I subconsciously have gotten to know my husband.  I don't consider myself to be clever enough to subtly plan to manipulate. I have always been more of a bold face fighter which has not at all served me well when it comes to my relationships.
   I have learned over this last year especially that my dear one, being the alpha being that he is, responds much more favorably to submissive sweet requests.  He likes my sass and tenacity however we both have our strengths we bring to this relationship and handling money, justifying spending, or saving are not my areas of expertise. AT ALL.  I can however let him play out his strengths with our finances by letting him take charge and trusting him.  He has this phenomenal ability to predict the future.  His attention to detail and perspective allow us to have a very cool lifestyle that stems from our dealing wisely with money.  That and prioritizing wisely that I also give credit to him for.
I can also see what people want where sometimes his perspective won't.  I was just signed on to be an official nuun athlete ambassador.  I love the stuff.  I am writing up a bio and thought that a photo to go along with it would be awesome.  I have a couple marathon photos that I have really wanted to buy yet could not, even to myself, justify the outrageous cost.  Now though, it would be cool to have one to send to nuun with my bio and info. The purchase has a useful purpose.

  Without really knowing what I was doing I told my hubby how much it would be for a digital copy that was by far the most pricey. I actually wanted the digital one but would have settled for any of them.  He of course said hell no and cussed the photographers for being so pricey.  Then I told him how much cheaper it would be for just a 5X7 and scan and send that. I just need a small file anyways. He agreed to it before he caught on to that fact that he would have poo pooed on the idea had I just suggested the cheaper ones to begin with.

  All of this is not really all that important unless you knew how bull headed, confrontational, and easily I would have started a fight over anything. I would have just been a big bleeep bleeep and started a fight and still not have won him over in the end and have done some damage. I love to fight. I love the heat and the argument and be damned the rational thought and taking care of each other. The white hot emotion and lack of understanding.  I learned though that this pushes people away.  Yes they might show you that they care by staying and fighting with you since the flip side to fighting is loving but it is not sustainable.  My love has stayed long enough for me to give in already and let the fight go and work on taking care of each other. That man has given me some good fights and some good love but now its just time for mellow love.  I can put my energy and fire into something sustainable.

 I have matured to have some self control and think that there is nothing important enough to start a fight with my love over. Arguing.....maybe.  Suggesting....sure, but being on opposite sides, no.  This is hard hard hard for me, but I believe in it.   So now when I look at that photo, not only will I think of what a great run I had but also how I have grown as a person too.

  I can only hope that my children will see our personal growth and see the value in continuous change and growth as we age.  We are never done.  Now the question is which photos to choose!  The one with a serious face or the one with the smile and flexed muscles.....

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I would pick the one with a smile and flexed muscles. That way people will see how much you enjoyed the Marathon and that you love to run. I know what you mean, you do have to grow in a marriage. I know I sure did. I am just the opposite of you I dont like to fight I just dont talk and that would make my husband so made. So like you I have learned to grow in my marriage. Now it just keeps getting better and better. Change is good.

Julie said...

Great perspective on mellowing out and choosing your battles. I vote for the smile and flexed muscles. Definitely. : )

Angie Bee said...

Relationships are the hardest thing to do. If we don't have sustaining ones it affects every part of our lives. So hard. Worth it though. The return also has an affect on all aspects of life. Its great to have a partner in this world.

I went with the smile and flexed muscles!! Just ordered it :)

Jen said...

I love this honest post! I love that you can self evaluate.

And I would choose the flexed muscles pic.

Jen said...

It's fun to look back and see how we evolve with our husbands. I used to use a trick to get my husband to work on something that maybe he'd been putting off. I'd just start to do it and do it wrong. He'd immediately step in to show me how to do it right and before you knew it, that little project would be complete. I eventually ended up telling him my little trick and now we can communicate much better and more honestly. But it does take a little evolution, huh!

funderson said...

Those photos will be PRICELESS to you when you're 80... Well worth the $ in the here and now. I'm just sayin'

I provide Bradley Method childbirth education, doula, belly casting, placenta encapsulation, and post partum doula services.
I serve families in Kitsap County, Bainbridge Island, Poulsbo, Bremerton, Silverdale, Kingston, Port Townsend, Bremerton, Port Orchard, and the greater Seattle area. email me atangiebeehotz@gmail.com with any questions you might have