Sunday, September 22, 2013

Squash on a plane and autism sucks sometimes

  About a half mile from the house my stomach started to cramp.  I told the Superhero to run around and go home.  I made it to the toilie and then was exhausted.  I didn't sleep well last night anyways.   So the Superhero took Jupiter to his evaluation in Suquamish just the two of them.   This evaluation is a repeat of the one we had done two years ago.   Its basically to say that indeed he has autism and is the mental retardation range although its called Developmental Disability or something like that a little more PC.   He needs this evaluation to get ABA services.  I get it.  I am just tired of it. 

  I hate these evals.  Well no, I don't hate them.  I know they are a necessary evil to get ABA but  it makes me remember that he is so far behind and he doesn't talk and may never live a life on his own.  It makes me think about what he would be like at this age if he didn't have autism.  Those thoughts are something I try and avoid.   He can stay with us for as long as he needs  and I love him and think he is wonderful but still.....

  As I stood looking out the window looking out at the rain and fog and the sun peaking through I let myself feel that loss again.  Again.  It never really goes away the unfairness of it all.   The heart break.   I try not to go to the "what if" thoughts.  I will never know and I have suffered enough without my wading through that muck again.    I do let myself feel it but only a little bit only to make sure I am not stuffing the feelings and letting them fester.

  My guts still weren't top notch after they came back.  Not sure if I just couldn't take another eval like that or if I do have a stomach bug.  Jaymon said it went well and the child psychologist was great and how she went on about how beautiful Jupiter is.   He really is a pretty person.   They had a nice trip and I enjoyed my afternoon with the wee fellas. 

  Then, I got bored.  Hence the above gif.  "That motha fuckin' squash has been sitting on my motha fucking counter for a  god damned week now.  Just what in the hell am I supposed to do with THAT.  Its like squash on a motha fuckin' plane up in here!"   Yeah, I know, I may offend with that language but I swear every time I look at that squash I hear Samuel L. Jackson going on about that motha fucking squash in my head.  It makes me laugh!   oi. 

  I hope you all had a stellar weekend!  I am looking forward to the start of another week.  I am going to do some yoga, take some walks, and figure out how to cook that giant motha fuckin' squash!

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Angie Bee


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I provide Bradley Method childbirth education, doula, belly casting, placenta encapsulation, and post partum doula services.
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