Thursday, May 2, 2013

I want it now, The Mindy Project, and #handstand365 Day 7

  Yesterday I wasn't feeling so great.  Nothing serious just some fatigue.  The shit thing about fatigue is that my mind wants to do things but my body refuses and then depression sees an opening and sneaks in.   I know that drill and I have coping mechanisms but its not like the suffering just disappears, its just that I have a plan to deal and it works.....mostly.  


  When I am not feeling so great is not the time to be checking out all the hot yogis on instagram even if the bleeps are my friends whom I love and appreciate.  That falls into the "what not to do category".   I am doing this awesome #handstand365 challenge and believe that not only will it improve my handstand but it will give me daily purpose to work on something, to improve my skill, but also to change my perspective daily.  I have something to stick to, to make into a good habit.   Its hard to explain but getting upside down makes you think differently.   Concentrating while inverted is invigorating and most of the time it makes me feel youthful.  


    
  This handstand variation is from a challenge that I was a part of on instagram.  I didn't do many of the variations because they were pretty advanced but this one is intriguing.  Im not exactly sure where to go from here though.   Undoubtably its improving my strength and my feet sort of wanted to come away from the wall but what next....What am I supposed to focus on?   I think that it will become clear the more I do it but I WANT IT NOW!   Not very "yoga" of me.  

  Like I was saying, feeling fatigued, even when I know it will pass , and probably by tomorrow, is not the time to look at those perfect balancers out there.   They may only be holding that perfect pose for a couple of breathes or maybe for as long as they want but looking at those pictures opens the flood gates for negative thinking some days.  They make it look so effortless.   I like the look of it being effortless but if my poses look that way, I assure you that I am usually sweating and reminding myself to breathe and I fall a lot!  Its part of the reason that I post bloopers too.  Gotta keep it real.   Its easy to forget that though when I am feeling vulnerable. 

  Am I too old for this.   Im 36 for goddess sake and really just starting my yoga practice.  I am not very flexible or very strong and I am starting so late in life.  ITS ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE and one of the things that handstands reminds me of.  

   Now, when I feel good these thoughts are just not there and if they creep in I can rationalize and remind myself that yoga is about so much more than nailing a pose and that I am indeed quite young.   I feel young most days and I know what it feels like to feel old after the last year an a half of MS and adrenal fatigue hell.  

   What I really need on days when I am fatigued is to do a practice alone with just my breath and reconnect.    Here is the vicious circle.  I need it but am fatigued and don't know much about restorative yoga and am too tired to learn something new.   So, I do my handstand anyways and a pose or two here or there and the rest of the time, besides cooking and doing laundry and the other mom stuff I do and can't get out of,  I am watching a show to distract me.   The Mindy Project was todays show de jour. 




  Its funny and light.  I can't really relate to many of the characters but its a lovely distraction that lets me veg and not have to think so much.  I say I can't relate but I must relate on some level or I wouldn't like it so much.  

  Its not what I want to be doing but I have learned that I need distraction when I need to rest or I will lay there stressing and the only difference will be that I am horizontally stressed.   Learning to breathe and enjoy what I am doing even if it isn't what I want to be doing is a skill to be improved upon in and of itself even if it is allowing myself to watch shows all day while I rest.  Also putting learning about restorative yoga on the to-do list so I am prepared for next time. 

 What do you do to rest?   Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to find happiness in whatever it brings.  Most likely I will find it while upside down!

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Cheers,
Angie Bee 


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