"Suffering is part of our training program for becoming wise."
The theme for the day was to chill out. I watched shows with Le Hubs for many hours. I just wanted to sit and do not a whole lot. I did get up and do some cooking and some yoga but just the bare minimum. Some days I can't stand to sit still and others, like today, I didn't have much of a choice. My body and mind demanded a break. So whats a girl to do? Watch Bun Heads and then Star Trek. I have broad taste in TV programs!
I really hope that someday I will feel perky most of the time instead of feeling tired much of the time. I know I have felt better but its hard to remember and believe that it will change. I don't even think I am accurately remembering the ratio of feel good vs crappy days since I am feeling crappy today I think my perspective might be skewed. I keep having those "what if" thoughts, as in what if I feel like this forever and what if I get worse. I have to remind myself that my health could be a whole lot worse and I should be happy but some days I want more. I want to move and not feel fatigue.
This pitty party post stops now. You get the idea. I struggle, you struggle, we all struggle and suffer and it sucks. I want my suffering to make me wise not bitter and I am willing to put in the work.
On a completely unrelated note, I noticed today that my spawn are all going through a super cute phase. This is a warning sign!!! They are always attractive to me but they have different looks and I find that the really cute phases coincide with an equally trying phase of boundary testing. Nature was kind of brilliant like that to offset the jerk behavior with super cute. I hope that I am becoming a wiser parent. They are my very favorite people and I want them to be able to find happiness in their lives.
Today as I was practicing, and not warmed up much at all. I just wanted to do a little and then go back to vegging out. I noticed though that even though I didn't warm up, I was still comfortable in poses that I used to be so incredibly stiff and uncomfortable in even when I was warmed up. I can see the progress and I have more of a calm confidence in myself. I have positive feelings towards my body and what it can do. I no longer thing that I am just stiff and I was made that way. I think I can change that and become loose and bendy and strong. I feel more at ease with myself when I am doing yoga. Its nice. Its a byproduct of the work that I have been doing and I like seeing the payoff both physically and mentally.
I saw these changes and felt similar to this when I was running higher miles but I didn't feel the same mental and emotional centering that I do these days. I loved my times of running for the meditative quality but it was much harder to get in the zone. With yoga, new neural pathways are being created and even practicing poses in my head and envisioning myself doing poses brings me a sense of calm.
Tomorrow is a new day. Another chance to appreciate whats around me.