So get this. I have been feeling good about how I look these last few days. I have been doing much more yoga and ab work and looked in the mirror this morning and thought I looked leaner and I could see my abs more. I liked what I saw and was feeling content and good about myself.
Why then did I pull out the scale, strip off all my clothes (when it was way to chili for that crap), take off all my jewelry, got off the scale to pee, and then stepped back on, only to see that I was 2 pounds heavier than what I was the last time I weighed myself about a week ago.
I felt good about myself. I liked how I looked. I have been feeling strong, and optimistic and then BAM! Good feelings gone. Why did I let go of the happy feelings?? They were there. They were legitimate and for goddess sake I freakin felt good about myself! Thats the happy place we all want and strive to get and I turned my back on it. Aunt flow was even in town and I still felt good about how I looked. That alone should be the end all be all of self esteem. But no. I was totally bummed after that.
As an old woman I will look back and think I was a twit for worrying about what I looked like at 35 weighing 145 after having 4 spawn and with visible abs and nice arms. Body parts that I favor. blech. Ridiculous. The psychology of body image is tricky it seems.
I know that weight fluctuates a few pounds from water weight, which happens when taking creatine, which I do take daily. Weight fluctuations can occur depending on what you have been eating or when your last bowel movement was. The time of month and your hormonal state, which also fluctuates, all have an affect on what numbers you see on the scale. I tell myself that if my clothes fit the way I want that is how I gauge my weight. if I feel comfortable with my body when I am working out or doing yoga and even with running, they all feel better when I am thinner, then thats what matters, and not the numbers on the scale. I tell myself this but I don't always believe it.
Evidently though, deep down the numbers do matter. I fear that I will just start putting weight back on and it wont stop. I have been 50 pounds heavier (at my heaviest) than what I am now and that was when I was breastfeeding my second son. I hated thinking many many times a day that I wish I was thinner. I wished I could loose this damn weight. I felt crazy and obsessive and depressed about it. Now I hardly ever think about my weight (I work on it by watching what I eat and try to eat clean) or if I do I like what I see in the mirror, and yet......There I was so easily drawn back into old patterns of thinking.
I keep track of my calories and have for several years now. It keeps me accountable and I have a good idea where I am nutritionally. I know and have confidence in my ability to affect my health because I have the data. I know when I have been over eating and what foods I chose to snack on. So with all of that information I still go for what the scale says. WTF Angie Bee! Girl you need to let the logical and compassionate aspects of who you are lead the way on this! And so do YOU if you are in the same boat!
The scale is a useful tool. I am not going to get rid of it but set some guidelines for using it. I think from now on I will mark my calendar to weigh myself, for accountability and to keep track, every two weeks. I do know that weight gain can happen easily with metabolic damage and adrenal fatigue since it usually ties in with the thyroid and low thyroid causes weight gain. I want to use the scale as a tool but I am still capable of abusing it and I am aware of that now.
The upside, I discovered and grew as a person today. It was a learning experience. There is that. I learned that when I feel good about myself is NOT the time to weigh myself. Its not worth the risk of loosing my happy place.
Do you weigh yourself or go by how you feel or both?
I wish you well!