— Dr. Seuss
What do you get when you add British humor, cheesy SciFi with a nice dose of wit? Hyperdrive! How does one get a blog post about being naked on stage and a bunch of Dr. Sues quotes? A 10 mile barefoot run in the sun after a long winter of cold and sickness. Oh the thinks I think..
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells." ~Dr. Sues~
So here it goes....
My boobs are deflated and saggy. I carry my fat on my belly and have loose skin on my lower belly from growing four spawn. I don't like that fat under my arms and I don't like back fat. I wish that my butt had more muscle and less pimples that I had more muscle all over in general. Instantly so I wouldn't have to work.
This kind of thinking is only going to lead to regret of wasted time when I am an old woman looking back on that 34 year old with the relatively perky body. I have thought negatively about myself like this for years. I think that many people and women in particular think this of themselves too.
I am also jealous by nature. I feel that twinge when I see a woman that I know my dear one will find attractive. Even when I see someone attractive I feel competitive and even start to feel angry. I don't want them to exist. My life would be so much easier without the games, of which are all in my head anyways. Of course competition is natural but when one is in a stable and happy relationship that focuses on meeting the needs of both people there really isn't much room for jealousy. Especially the destructive kind. Again that old woman inside of me is going to bitch slap this 34 year old down the road for starting all those fights with Jaymon because I was insecure. He always reassures me by the way and has put up with more crap from me than any man deserves so thank you my love.
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
— Dr. Seuss
I used to see myself as two people. The way I was and the way I am now. The person I like and the person I don't like and I could only be one or the other and not both at the same time. Lately in my personal development I have been blending all the versions of myself to encompass the whole girl. The parts that I like and the parts that I don't. Its all me. Who I was, am, and will become in time. Its hard to accept oneself as a whole and is a work in progress but it pays off and sometimes in the most unexpected ways. Like finding inspiration from a woman running naked on stage....One that I would have been incredibly jealous of not long ago....
"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."
— Dr. Seuss
Hyperdrive is a show that we have been watching. Its funny and witty and the characters are all wonderful. Sandstom is an enhanced human, a cyborg interface needed to ensure the Camden Lock (the spaceship) keeps functioning. (oh how I love Sci Fi!) She agreed to have her body and mind modified in exchange for the Space Force paying off her student loan, assuming the offer would not be made if the procedure was not safe. Her personality was then overwritten and she functions much like an android, although chocolate seems to have an adverse emotional effect on her. She is also saucy and hot! The hubster googled her and we learned that she is in her mid 40's and is a part of the British comedy theatre company called Spymonkey.
Check out the clip of Spymonkey. I suppose I will warn you that it contains some nudity....if you are uncomfortable with it maybe consider that its you and not them.
The part that I found most thought provoking is when Petra comes out and finds that the others on stage are naked and kind of freaks out and then thinks again and decides that she too wants to be naked and here she comes in all her glory and look how much fun she is having! I imagine myself running across the stage.....Before I would have been angry and mortified just thinking about it. Now its much different! (which one of you guys would dance naked on stage?)
The people are not going to notice in particular my body parts that I wish were different. They won't care as much as I do. Its like how a zit seems huge on oneself and yet when you see others with acne it isn't really a big deal. Thats how others see us too. The audience would clap and laugh and cheer regardless of saggy boobs, a baby belly, and a zit on my not so muscular ass.
How is it that being naked on stage sounds fun and liberating? It would be satisfying to inspire and make others laugh instead of fodder for a nightmare. How is it that appreciating someone beautiful happens more often than hating and being afraid of them which in turn turns to anger and jealousy?
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Sues~
For today, Damn the thoughts of saggy boobs and a baby belly! Damn the fear and embarrassment and embrace the idea that I could run naked and not just barefoot and its exciting! Its exciting because that kind of confidence is relatively new to me yet long sought after and it kind of snuck up on me. I like who I am and the skin that I am in.
Now, I am not going to be on stage naked anytime soon so don't get your hopes up too high but its fun to embrace the self esteem. Saggy boobs, baby belly and all.
Coincidentally Runners World Daily posted an article on Clothing Optional Runs. I find the irony of naked people running in shoes to be more amusing than the people running naked.
Who has run one of these clothing optional race?? I want to hear the details!!!
What have you accepted about yourself and learned to love?
What are you confident about?
"There's no limit to how much you'll know, depending how far beyond zebra you go."
— Dr. Seuss
— Dr. Seuss
thank you. you are one of those women that i hate and am jealous of because you have such a lovely body and mine is a gigantic disaster area. it baffles me why you would ever think negatively of your appearance. if even you do, that makes me think that i must not be as horridly kitted out as i am.
though i may never accept my body, i have learned in the last few years to accept my difficult personality. not just the nice bits, but the bits that cause me to bring the crazy too.
i am confident that i was put on earth for something that is unique to me, the right combination of shelley-ness that will bring about a difference only i could make.
Angie, I haven't run naked, but last year I rode naked (but body painted) in the annual Fremont Solstice parade, and it was one of the most liberating and exhilirating experiences of my life. It was so much fun, I was grinning from ear to ear the whole time. It was really fun to be part of something that was both creative and rebellious. I grew up in the San Francisco bay area and I always thought of running in the Bare to Breakers, but I am more self conscious of running naked than I am riding a bike naked. But just know that you're an inspiration to a lot of people, myself inculded, to get out there and do the thing that we love to do. Keep it up!
You are beautiful, Angie!
I think most, if not all women, struggle with their appearance. We're bombarded by these air-brushed model images in the media, and we can't help but compare ourselves to them. It sucks!
Running has helped me feel better about my appearance, but there are still things about me that I don't like and wish I could change.
I agree, you are absolutely beautiful.
I think I'm going to stick to my clothed runs. Heh.
Thanks Ms. Bee...needed this today!
This is a beautiful post, thank you! It seems that you may have been inside my head a time or two and I appreciate the words you have written.
I am going to have to check out this Hyperdrive, as I also LOVE scifi and the spymonkey was hilarious.
Never ran sans clothing...YET.
I think it's hard being women. We're constantly surrounded by images that aren't real and can't help but compare ourselves. It does make me laugh to think of you criticizing yourself. You are beautiful. Your legs in your banner look amazing as do your arms. Your blue eyes and dimples could charm anyone and you're so sweet. I'm learning and trying to teach my young girls that it's what's inside that really matters. Everyone has some "flaw" that they wish they could change even if others can't see it. But how we treat people is what really matters. Beauty really does come from with in.
Running has changed the way I look at myself. I'm glad to be strong and able to endure and that matters more to me than being stick thin. I'll probably always be a pear shaped girl. And at least you have enough boobs to be saggy. sigh.
I forgot to say how much I loved the Dr. Seuss quotes. He was very wise! I have that sleeping one on a pillow on my bed. I love it!
I thought of you this morning at a training run, and two runners next to me, running barefoot : )
I've learned to love my belly. I've never had a six pack, and never will, so I've made it my friend : )
Hope you had a great birthday!
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