Monday, September 7, 2009

the savage beasts distracting me.

Three savage beasts are wrestling on my couch as Finger Licken' Fifteen calls my name but I just can't seem to relax enough to sit and read.
I am not sure that I should have slept in this morning. My ankle feels better but my mind and core feel restless. Maybe the hubby will take pity and watch the beasts while I run this evening even for just an hour.

I ran the day before yesterday and my foot felt better after having done some eccentric muscle contraction work however it did swell a bit in the evening. My ankle hurt while running and it feels like my pronation is changing. I used to over pronate and now it feels like my bones, muscles and tendons are continuing to change and adapt to my form changes and it is not a pain free endeavor.  So far the pattern has been that I change my form in some way and then the pain of change sets in. One action indeed has a reaction. The stabilizing muscles are taxed and the lengthening of tendons to accommodate the change and I can feel the shifting and moving. If I was just trying to get away from the discomfort and not learn from it then I wouldn't have the satisfaction of knowing that I am consciously altering the mechanics of my body with success. At least I am believing for now that I am successful! I am still running and still love it.

I have been working at loosing weight in hopes that I will feel "hot" again but when the food smells so good and I am hungry the looking "hot" is not much of a motivator. I just can't help but think that just because I have had 4 kids does not mean that I can't be an athlete or have a lean muscular body. I have the stretch marks and saggy breasts from pregnancy but hell I got stretch marks in puberty and I am fortunate to have skin that is quite elastic and resilient and the marks are what one would imagine from one kiddo and not 4.

  I love my friends on the barefoot forum.  We have a weight loss challenge going. The prize is a $20 gift certificate to Cafe Press where some of the barefooters have merchandise with their logos they came up with.  It makes loosing weight seem doable. The accountability is what I need. I will reason and give excuses to myself not to do something almost every time but to have a watchdog keeps me motivated. My husband loves me the way I am so he is not much of a motivator but oh how I love how he looks at me.

The biggest issue with dieting is the low blood sugar crabbiness and the patience I have to pull out of nowhere with my 4 savage beastly boys. I have to make friends with my hunger and meet my needs in healthy productive ways instead of the quick fix of emotional eating.  Thats where the running comes in. Not so much for the calorie burning but the serenity. It burns off the fight in me and when I get in the zone while running all the thoughts that need  to be addressed are right there standing in line waiting for their turn at examination.  I know I am bad off when they don't line up and I can feel my Chi all blocked up in my gut. Thats when the low blood sugar is hell and I need to have a good cry and my hubby to help logic it all out and remind me to let the stress go and turn the emotional volume down. The next barefoot run will be better.

The typing has been cathartic and its a holiday so I might as well just accept already that I can't do much until tomorrow. We go to speech therapy in the a.m. and I get to see my friend Molly for at least a few minutes and of course the beasts like to go and play.
One of the beasts is naked as always and playing with cars, one is crying and needs a nap and wants to nurse, one has a headache and is watching Cars and the other is trying to get out of schoolwork. Jaymon is looking at cool photos online and I am looking around thinking that I have a very good life and need to go live it now.

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I provide Bradley Method childbirth education, doula, belly casting, placenta encapsulation, and post partum doula services.
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