Thursday, September 24, 2009

Baby boomers, 5k race, anxiety and feeling better.

Thank the Universe that Jaymon is finally feeling better. He still has a dry cough and cannot sleep for more than a few hours at a time but the worst seems to be over.
 It stresses me out incredibly when he is sick. He represents a steadfastness in my life  and when he is down and out and counting on me to keep things together I don't always respond well to the pressure.  Its unfair to him that he has to be consistent at all times but he is a super hero after all so his humanity takes a backseat to my needs as his wife!
He cleaned up the kitchen and buried the contents of the slop bucket and took out the recycling. I was so grateful and relieved not to have to do these things myself after waking from a nap this morning. I find satisfaction in taking care of my people but it is nice to be taken care of too.

I have been thinking quite a bit lately about my health and why I have not gotten sick yet. Both Jaymon and Jupiter have been sick over the last couple of weeks. Several times I have thought I was coming down with something and then I would rest and go for a barefoot run and always feel better. I do think there is some merit to the Reflexology ideas although I have not researched it as much as I would like to.  Some of the other barefoot runners have also said they have noticed that they have not been sick or less often after barefoot running. Food for thought and something to keep in mind.

Jaymon was reading and shared his thoughts again about the baby boomer generation this morning. I loved him smiling and happy to see me this morning and I couldn't help but let it break through my morning crabbiness!   It has been enlightening to think about my childhood and how my baby boomer parents influenced me. They are both very self absorbed and have an attitude of entitlement that comes from being baby boomers.I remember feeling like I was not important or interesting and they were always occupied with something else. Their own thoughts and feelings.  They both come from broken homes so were dysfunctional from the start. They both spend money on frivolous things and are addicted to instant gratification. These habits I am aware of and changing. I am not sure that my brother has been so lucky.
   I remember the "keeping up with the Jones's" attitudes as a child in school and was miserable about not having enough stuff. As I look back at my peers they were miserable as well.. Even the "Jones's" were miserable. We were all instilled with the ideals that the one with the most stuff wins and will be happy. I am glad to have broken away from that and have a partner that helps me to reprogram my thinking to value introspection and self growth instead of buying my happiness. I feel a sense of peace to have gained a better understanding of my parents as well as my generation through Jaymons research into the Baby Boomers. I am very hopeful and excited to see where our country is going with a president that is not of the boomer generation. I am also excited to read more on this subject and revisit again in conversation with my hubby.

 On a completely different note, my darling boy with autism is going on an adventure.
Jupiter will be spending the weekend at Easter Seals Camp Sunnyside. He and I are  going to packet pickup for this race, I am doing the 5k, and then I am dropping him off at camp tomorrow.  It will be interesting to see how he fairs away from home over night. I do hope I can stress to the workers enough how miserable he will be if they do not stick to his diet and that he must have his enzymes with his meals. I think he will have a wonderful time  and I should stop worrying. I will miss him though. He will be gone Friday and Saturday night and I pick him up Sunday afternoon. One of the councilors, Mike, who worked with Jupiter this summer will be there so I know Jupie is going to have a friend there to help him out.

So I decided to do the 5k race on Sunday. I have been trying to talk myself into running the 10 mile but I just have not been able to get outside to train. I don't think I can keep up with the faster pace.  I have been working on my speed on the treadmill in the evenings. It has been cathartic to work on my breathe awareness and relaxing my limbs as I run. I miss being outside and hopefully next week I will get out, hell maybe tomorrow morning I will go. I don't really know what the anxiety is from. Maybe a mild hyper thyroid flair up but regardless of the origin the anxiety is there and I have to do what I can and the treadmill is a blessed option.
I am running the Des Moines half Marathon on October 18th and an online barefoot friend is running the full and we actually get to meet in real life!! I am very excited to meet her and run with her for a bit. We shiare the same attitudes and views on many levels and both love to run barefoot. I am excited to share our experience with the gang on RW barefoot forum. I need to get in at least one more long run before the half and get out to keep the conditioning on my feet up.

I am looking forward to the leaves changing and I can smell fall in the air now. The cool weather is wonderful. I know that when I am out running that the anxiety will disappear as if it were never there in the first place. I think part of it comes from an experience on my last run.  I came across a family burying a child in the cemetery I run in a week or so ago. It was this cosmic bitch slap and seeing their agony put my life into perspective. For that I am thankful but my heart still goes out to those who are suffering to this very moment even after I have forgotten about it.  I am afraid something bad will happen to my babies when I am out running. I so easily slipped back into that habit even after it being clearly pointed out to me what it is that I have and how fortunate I am today. I need to focus again on impermanence and come to terms with it again to relieve my anxiety over my children.  They are mine for now and I am fortunate to have this time with them but no amount of worrying will keep anyone safe from life itself.  I do have such a good life.

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