Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Confession, I missed day 156 of #handstand365

  I am trying to chalk this up to "life happens" but I am really bummed about missing a day of the #handstand365 challenge.  I missed day #155.  155 freakin days of doing a handstand or even when I was sick I put my legs up the wall which is an acceptable alternative, and then I screw it up.  

  I didn't do anything.  Nothing, not even a down diggidy dawg.  I just.......forgot.  I woke up the next morning and my stomach jumped, I gasped,  and my heart sank when I realized that the day is gone and if I chose to take the perspective of having to start over I could.    Part of me thinks I should start over.  Until I decide I am going to use a backslash.

  Lauren Ruddick, who fist wrote about the challenge, said that I should just add a day onto the end and that I am dedicated and shouldn't beat myself up over it.   I want to beat myself up over it though.   I don't know why exactly but I feel like I failed and it was my own damn challenge so there is a strong sense of conflict in me.

   But I don't want to start over, said in my most sincere whiney voice.  I have come so far through so much and I managed to at least get upside down once.......except that one day.  It may seem silly but I set my mind to do this and then, well, DNF......

  So, when I realized that I was forgetting again, I jumped out of bed and did a few handstands for
Day 1/156 of #handstand365


  I say that it's "all about the joy of getting upside down" but its not , at least thats not all it is.  It's also about saying I will do something and doing it.  There has been a fair amount of frustration and now Im depressed about it.  I have to remember  that I am stressed about other things though too and this is just riding the wave of depression that comes from stress that will subside soon.  I know I will feel differently soon.  We have had a fair amount of autism stress lately.  Between paperwork, bureaucracy,  the school, and then the rest of life its been a bit much.   Funny how the things that help me deal are the ones that get pushed onto the back burner.  That needs to change......

  I want to be the person that just shrugs it off and says, "meh, its life and I will keep going" but that's not how I feel right now so I am going to feel crappy about it for a little while and own it and  then let it go.    I don't want to deny myself any of the process however  I wouldn't mind speeding it up a bit either.   I can see the snow on the mountains out my window right now as the clouds shift and clear and I remember that I have a lot of joy in my life handstand or not.  

Have you DNF?  Did you screw up a challenge and what did you tell yourself to move forward?
xoxoxo

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Cheers,
Angie Bee
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I provide Bradley Method childbirth education, doula, belly casting, placenta encapsulation, and post partum doula services.
I serve families in Kitsap County, Bainbridge Island, Poulsbo, Bremerton, Silverdale, Kingston, Port Townsend, Bremerton, Port Orchard, and the greater Seattle area. email me atangiebeehotz@gmail.com with any questions you might have