I didn't do anything. Nothing, not even a down diggidy dawg. I just.......forgot. I woke up the next morning and my stomach jumped, I gasped, and my heart sank when I realized that the day is gone and if I chose to take the perspective of having to start over I could. Part of me thinks I should start over. Until I decide I am going to use a backslash.
Lauren Ruddick, who fist wrote about the challenge, said that I should just add a day onto the end and that I am dedicated and shouldn't beat myself up over it. I want to beat myself up over it though. I don't know why exactly but I feel like I failed and it was my own damn challenge so there is a strong sense of conflict in me.
But I don't want to start over, said in my most sincere whiney voice. I have come so far through so much and I managed to at least get upside down once.......except that one day. It may seem silly but I set my mind to do this and then, well, DNF......
So, when I realized that I was forgetting again, I jumped out of bed and did a few handstands for
Day 1/156 of #handstand365
I say that it's "all about the joy of getting upside down" but its not , at least thats not all it is. It's also about saying I will do something and doing it. There has been a fair amount of frustration and now Im depressed about it. I have to remember that I am stressed about other things though too and this is just riding the wave of depression that comes from stress that will subside soon. I know I will feel differently soon. We have had a fair amount of autism stress lately. Between paperwork, bureaucracy, the school, and then the rest of life its been a bit much. Funny how the things that help me deal are the ones that get pushed onto the back burner. That needs to change......
I want to be the person that just shrugs it off and says, "meh, its life and I will keep going" but that's not how I feel right now so I am going to feel crappy about it for a little while and own it and then let it go. I don't want to deny myself any of the process however I wouldn't mind speeding it up a bit either. I can see the snow on the mountains out my window right now as the clouds shift and clear and I remember that I have a lot of joy in my life handstand or not.
Have you DNF? Did you screw up a challenge and what did you tell yourself to move forward?
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