"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Where do you start? Where does one begin to set aside the baggage of a lifetime, albeit only 35 years of one. Only....sometimes it seems like an overwhelmingly huge amount! I have said for so long that I want to change certain things about myself and face certain fears but where to start in the chaos that is the past is the excuse I have relied upon.
I am really good at getting fired up about something and letting the wave of inspiration carry me but then when the intensity fades and I need to fall back on a plan, I get lost and lose my way until the next burst of inspiration. I have grown and matured for sure over the years but I want to learn more. I don't want to be held back by old patterns forever.
The Humble Beginnings Yoga challenge on Instagram has been a lovely place for me to start. It gave me much needed structure and support from like minded people. Now I am on a path instead of just saying I want it and yet not go after the change. Better yet, here is a more positive perspective, let the change take place by facilitating the right conditions for it in myself.
So I decided that if I worked on opening my hips and focus on release, nothing more specific at first, just release, that things would start to happen. Im not sure what but I am confident that I will see change and know the right direction to take as it comes along. So I have some kind of faith now. Some trust. I do. It makes sense to me and that is comforting.
Eka Pada Rajakapotasana or One Footed Pigeon Pose is the first pose in week 2 of the challenge. (week one was all about heart openers with the intention of compassion) It is the first of the weeks hip openers. The hip and pelvis area are where we are thought to carry stress and negative emotions. In the Root Chakra area. I have said for years now that I thought I carried my "crazy" in my hips as I have very tense and tight hips with very little range of motion. Come to find out, I was onto something and its a widely held belief and not just something I joked about as I nervously giggled while being afraid of dredging up who knows what kind of memories and emotions.
I have to remind myself that I am letting them go and not looking at them and then hanging onto them forever. Thats what I have been doing and I want to do something different. I must say I am often afraid of what I will discover inside myself. Which is silly because I am myself but pathways to understanding have been broken by patterns that I learned as a child and have continued and fostered throughout my life.
I am focusing on adding and not taking away. I am adding meditation. I am adding yoga. I am adding positive affirmations instead of constantly in a state of nervousness that I am loosing something familiar.
So I meditate in hip opener poses and I imagine myself walking down a beautiful road with lovely smells and warm air and sun shining down on me. I set down the heavy, bulging carpet bags I have been carrying for so long and then I feel light and free and walk on with a spring in my step and a smile on my face.