Tuesday, March 8, 2011

A reminder of what matters most

 Last night as Jaymon walked out of the hospital room hesitantly I accepted that I was probably looking at surgery to take out my appendix.  He had to get home to feed the boys dinner while I had tests run to find the source of my very intense lower abdominal pain.  Everything in our earlier google search pointed to appendicitice.  As the pain increased I was glad I decided to go to the ER instead of tempt the fates and wait it out.   So as I sat there waiting in a hospital bed I was reminded that I was well loved and taken care of and that no matter what happened I really had not choice but to go with it and just wait and see what would unfold.

   The pain medication that they gave me helped to take the edge off of the anxiety and Jaymon never fails to make me laugh or smile.  His antics are juvenile and perfect.  Nothing like a good penis joke in a scary situation to make me giggle.   I was scared to have surgery mostly because I do not want to be put under general anesthesia.  I had a D&C done years ago due to complications of a miscarriage and I remember it hurting and hearing the doctors and nurses voices and then they realized that I was not totally out and then it all went black.  I am terrified to feel a surgery and be unable to get away from it.  There are also the risks of complications and I had to come to terms that I was at a point where I needed help and would have to trust in the competence of my care providers even though I am dubious of medical procedures and taking antibiotics, pain medication, ect.

 When the doctor told me the results of the CT scan indicated that it was not my appendix and instead colitis I felt uber excited and jipped at the same time.  I had resigned to look death in the face and now I was going to put my boots back on and go home.  Silly I know.  I have done some scary crazy things.  I have jumped out of planes and bungee jumped.  I have had major surgery before and birthed four children and the last one at home with Jaymon. I have jumped in with both feet on scary decisions to move or to change my relationships with family.  When you get to that moment of acceptance and then it doesn't happen its a very strange mental and emotional position to be in.

  Jaymon had left me the iPod touch so I could keep myself occupied while he was away and I facebooked him to come and get me after being handed a stack of papers to sign and prescriptions to fill.  He was there in a flash and we headed out holding hands through the parking lot.  
I am still frustrated since I am in pain and not running to help ease the stress but when I walked in the door last night to boys running over and hugging me and so glad that I was home, none of my self imposed expectations mattered.  I have made a wonderful family and they are the people I want to spend my time with.  When I need someone they are there and they let me take care of them which is the best part of it all.


  Kitty commented on my facebook status last night when I was asking for some good vibes sent my way.
There will be a day when there are no disasters, everyone is well, the sun is shining and it isn't cold. On that day you will run and be happy. It's coming soon, just think on that. ((HUGS))


I am so looking forward to that day.  I can picture running with Jaymon and both of us barefoot.  The sun warming us and feeling strong and healthy again.  Its coming.  I may not run as many miles as I had planned or meet some of my goals I wanted to meet but my health is more important.  I am going to help out a local bee keeper when it warms up and we are going to do some new things in the garden this year.  Nuun work will pick up at the end of this month and spring is only 12 days away.  

37 comments:

BabyWeightMyFatAss said...

Gentle healing hugs your way..

Julie said...

Spring is only 12 days away. Oh boy that made me happy to hear!!

Sorry you are not feeling well, but I'm glad you don't have to go under the knife!

A day doesn't go by in this house without a juvenile penis or fart joke :D
Laughter makes the world go 'round!

Steph said...

Hope you feel better very soon.
In September I went to the ER for abdominal pain. It was an unexplained infection in my intestine. I spend 4 days there on IV antibiotics, pain killers and no food. After going home I was on a crappy diet for 1 week. I felt so weak! But I recovered fast after that and went back to running easily.
I hadn't been sick in over 10 years, I never take medication (not even for childbirth), I eat healthy food, I exercise...it felt so random to be stuck in this hospital bed. It's scary but just happens, and then the ER is the right place to be, no choice.

Rest, relax and I hope you will be better very soon.

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

So glad to hear you handled things so calmly. I hope you are feeling better soon.

THAT day is everyday, if you look at it the right way. ;-)

Kovas said...

Tough times remind us of the good stuff we have.

Emz said...

You are awesome.
Your posts are real & amazing.

Your hubby. Rocks. I love the love you two have for eachother. It makes me smile.

You inspire Angie b.

Hang in there.
Well wishes from bright/sunny/SPRING-Y AZ.

Stephanie said...

It's AWESOME to have an AWESOME family! I'm sure they feel so thankful to have you too!

Katie said...

Praying that you feel better soon.

funderson said...

Aw..Kitty is lovely. I'm sending you all my good energy your way...

JessiePants said...

After every dark night, there's a bright morning.
Love the information that you provide us all! Hoping that your joyful run and good health are not far away.

misszippy said...

Oh no! I am so sorry, Angie. I hope there is an easy solution and that this won't be a long-time battle. I'll be thinking of you and saying a prayer for you. Feel better, my friend.

kat said...

Sending, lots of love and get better soon vibes your way.

MCM Mama said...

Glad that you didn't need surgery. Hope you feel much better soon. {{HUGS}}

Elizabeth said...

Sending you healing vibes

Jesse said...

This moved me. I had a similar experience last week. I have athsmatic reactions sometimes and they take weeks to recover from(hadn't had one in 7 years or so). Here I was, worrying about how I was going to run faster 50 milers one minute, then curled up in the fetal position, coughing and struggling to breathe the next. It's as if life has a way of balancing things out. Feel better soon, Angie!

Cynthia O'H said...

Oh, gosh, Angie, I've been off the grid and missed yesterday's post. I'm so sorry that you went through that but am so relieved that you don't need surgery.
Enjoy your family. Let them take care of you.
If anyone can recover from this quickly, it's you. Sending you some speedy health vibes.

Staci said...

Trust that all is well. Holding healthy spring energies for you.

Amanda - RunToTheFinish said...

i'm glad it didn't turn out to require surgery, i can see how scary that would be from past experiences. You are such a blessed woman in life and you really exude that in how you approach things. here's to a quick return to health

zapmamak said...

Wow. I know what you mean about doctors and hospitals and that dreaded anesthesia. So glad you didn't have to deal with that. Feel better soon!

Mary said...

Wow, I am glad that you didn't have to have surgery! Feel better soon!

Richelle said...

I hope you feel better soon, Angie!

Katie Kift said...

Just catching up on my Blog posts. I am glad you didn't have to stay in hospital and you are at home. Life can be scary but that's when we appreciate what we have.

Life throws us so many curve balls and it's seems as if this winter we have all had more down's than up's. I am still determined to chase that blue sky and I know it's coming. I think it's nice we are chasing that blue sky together.

keri said...

Ahhh. here it is.. okay. Colitis is no fun either, but it's pretty common and I think relatively easy to treat and control, no? So glad you're back on your bare feet. You have had some pretty enormous challenges, girl... you're an inspiration and you make me feel like a big sissy. I too love a good penis joke, and the best ones are usually told by the ones who own one. Keep um coming.. keri

p.s. your site is cool and looking at the header has answered a HUGE QUESTION that's been pleagueing me for days.... You actually CAN use your own header on one of the newer blogger templates.. this is exactly what I've been trying to do myself. Amazing. take care, forgive all spelling errors. keri

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