Saturday, January 8, 2011

planning big inside a bubble

  I have been working on cleaning up the blog and organizing.  I have made new contacts and established new relationships this week.   I have been very productive and found a working relationship with the hubby this week that allowed us to be productive together instead of me competing  and being silly.  It has been a "good" week although unbalanced.

  I have not been running and am suffering for it.  I looked on the Mind the Ducks website and my name is on the registered participants list!  This thrills and terrifying me all at the same time.  I will get to meet some online friends that I have been really wanting to meet in person for over a year now.  The running does not scare me one bit but the meeting new people. Oi.  Its not a specific anxiety and I know everyone feels it but its easy to plan big inside a bubble.  Stepping out of that will be a blast and I need to hang onto that.

  I don't know how many miles I will run but I am going to train like I am running 50.  Maybe I can get a marathon in as a training run.  That would be a fun way to get some distance in.  What lies to I tell myself?  What perspective shift will get me on that treadmill in the basement?  Maybe its the snow on the ground.  Maybe its a vitamin deficiency and maybe right now its the stupid candy I ate.
 I knew no candy would be hard but I finally caved and now I am infracted. This is what we call the negative consequence of eating an offending food.   When I or Jupiter get infracted we get very agitated and depressed.  Everything is loud and abrasive and I am just down right unhappy.   I now have a newfound motivation to stay away from candy and as many processed foods as possible.  It just doesn't seem to work out for me.
At first I felt weak and wanted to sink into a funk of failure.  Now I just feel motivated by the understanding that the candy that I saw as a treat and something special is now just something that is not worth it to eat.   It seems as if a long carried baggage filled with childhood food dysfunction can be set down and left behind.

   So, I have movies to watch while I run and maybe I will get a running orgasm!  As Christian pointed out in the comments, thats quality blog fodder!

  Its strange I know, but I really wish tomorrow where Monday.  I have things to do and they are not errands that can be run on the weekend.  I have a sneaky suspicion I will need a passport this year.  Nothing is planned but there are wide open opportunities that may point in that direction.  After my name change I need to get a new SS card before getting my passport.  Samson is getting a checking account and I have phone calls to make. I slept in today so I feel caught up and ready to get things done.  Its lovely to feel motivated instead of in a procrastination rut!

I am off to the basement to get in ......any kind of miles will do.

Be happy and well my friends.
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I provide Bradley Method childbirth education, doula, belly casting, placenta encapsulation, and post partum doula services.
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