Saturday, January 8, 2011

planning big inside a bubble

  I have been working on cleaning up the blog and organizing.  I have made new contacts and established new relationships this week.   I have been very productive and found a working relationship with the hubby this week that allowed us to be productive together instead of me competing  and being silly.  It has been a "good" week although unbalanced.

  I have not been running and am suffering for it.  I looked on the Mind the Ducks website and my name is on the registered participants list!  This thrills and terrifying me all at the same time.  I will get to meet some online friends that I have been really wanting to meet in person for over a year now.  The running does not scare me one bit but the meeting new people. Oi.  Its not a specific anxiety and I know everyone feels it but its easy to plan big inside a bubble.  Stepping out of that will be a blast and I need to hang onto that.

  I don't know how many miles I will run but I am going to train like I am running 50.  Maybe I can get a marathon in as a training run.  That would be a fun way to get some distance in.  What lies to I tell myself?  What perspective shift will get me on that treadmill in the basement?  Maybe its the snow on the ground.  Maybe its a vitamin deficiency and maybe right now its the stupid candy I ate.
 I knew no candy would be hard but I finally caved and now I am infracted. This is what we call the negative consequence of eating an offending food.   When I or Jupiter get infracted we get very agitated and depressed.  Everything is loud and abrasive and I am just down right unhappy.   I now have a newfound motivation to stay away from candy and as many processed foods as possible.  It just doesn't seem to work out for me.
At first I felt weak and wanted to sink into a funk of failure.  Now I just feel motivated by the understanding that the candy that I saw as a treat and something special is now just something that is not worth it to eat.   It seems as if a long carried baggage filled with childhood food dysfunction can be set down and left behind.

   So, I have movies to watch while I run and maybe I will get a running orgasm!  As Christian pointed out in the comments, thats quality blog fodder!

  Its strange I know, but I really wish tomorrow where Monday.  I have things to do and they are not errands that can be run on the weekend.  I have a sneaky suspicion I will need a passport this year.  Nothing is planned but there are wide open opportunities that may point in that direction.  After my name change I need to get a new SS card before getting my passport.  Samson is getting a checking account and I have phone calls to make. I slept in today so I feel caught up and ready to get things done.  Its lovely to feel motivated instead of in a procrastination rut!

I am off to the basement to get in ......any kind of miles will do.

Be happy and well my friends.


Anonymous said...

I can relate to the treadmill thing, I need to get better aquintainted with mine.. sigh I also agree with the candy. That is the reason I just stay away, it makes me feel awful!

Unknown said...

If you're like Shelly, movies will make you run faster. I can sense a running orgasm is headed your way!

Glad things are coming so nicely together for you. Productivity is always a good thing.

Anonymous said...

I hear ya. Any miles are better than no miles these days. I'm in the same boat. Do anything I can to get them done. Even if I crawl my miles. ;)

The Green Girl said...

That's great that you've got this streak of motivation going on!

ShellBell said...

I totally agree about candy. I have been craving it lately but I feel awful if I have some. It doesn't help that Jason has been buying bags of the stuff :)

You will have absolutely no problem running 50 miles! You will surprise yourself I bet.

Caratunk Girl said...

I totally respect anyone who runs many miles on a treadmill - I really just can't deal. I run outside no matter what because I go so nuts on the mill. I can't stay on the things anyway, I am always flying off the back or stepping on the wrong spot.. Seriously, if you want some great entertainment, put me on a treadmill and just watch. ha ha

Seriously, way to go getting the miles in that you can. You are going to do awesome on the 50, I have no doubt!

And I am with you - when I eat clean I feel so much better. When I give in to cravings, well, I feel like crap and am cranky!

misszippy said...

Your social anxiety is totally unwarranted, I am sure! You have so much to offer the world and whoever you meet will be so much the better for it.

zapmamak said...

You go girl! Get on that treadmill and enjoy whatever comes your way!

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

I like the thought of you needing a passport. How exciting! I can wait to see what might lay in store.

Treadmills are a wonderful resource. After last winter's backlash from people (not here) about taking "the baby" out in the cold, I have staying in mostly this year or gone out early when few would see. Odd how people think they are "helping" when they are really being road blocks. It is easy to understand how many get discouraged by well meaning neighbors. But once the temps hit the 30s again the heating pad and the jogger will be re-introuduced...for my sanity's sake. ;-)

funk. That was me most of Saturday. I think caffiene and I need to break up. It's destroying my metabolism!

funderson said...

rungasm? ha! new favorite word..

Jen said...

I wish I could make that brain stomach connection with brownies and cookies.
And stepping out of the bubble, what a good analogy.

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