Wow! Bloody hard hills this morning.

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey." ~Kenji Miyazawa~

Its been a low miles week last week with life and fatigue and sickies taking over.  Yesterday I planned to get  up and run and get back into a routine however that plan crashed and burned with a very ill spawn being sick through the night before.  Poor poor fella. He is in good spirits but still not feeling well. So glad I had some nuun for him to drink (and thank the goddess that its just one of the four boys under the weather).  It helped keep the dehydration at bay.

This morning he did make it to school so I was off with Milo my 4 year old in the running stroller. I was missing my hill route in the cemetery so that's where we headed.    I have been feeling emotional, and just plain off the last few days.  This run tested me emotionally and mentally as much as it did physically. It was a battle to keep putting one foot in front of the other faster than a slow walk.  My heart and my legs felt so heavy.

Here is Milo on our loop back down the hill.  I actually cried going up the hill that first time from the bottom. It was a purging of stress. The pain that was felt was the stress melting away but there sure was a lot and it hurt when it left. Not wanting to repeat that but it sure felt better when I had some endorphins going!

I am terrible at thinking that I have let things go when in fact they build up and fester and its like a snowball of ridiculousness. Running helps to turn down the volume and purge the stress that builds.  Things are changing for us. We are all growing as a family and as individuals.Subtle adaptations of every day living and I sometimes get stuck in a rut trying to hang on too hard to the way things are right now.  So don't worry!  I run because I know this about myself and it just plain makes life easier.

I did seven quarter mile loops at the top of the hill. I lost count so I am pretty sure I ate a loop.  Ah well, its better than not getting enough and having a false sense of accomplishment although I really should come up with a better way of keeping track since I tend to zone out.

I taught Milo how to say "GO MOMMY GO!" and "PUSH UP THAT HILL MOMMY!".  It was cute and made me smile and I got up those hills.  It was sunny but chilly and Milo had to wear his favorite hat and wrap up in a blanket. I even wore my favorite "Tree Hugger" hat.

I had to keep telling myself to "keep your damn head up" and "don't lean over" ,"Stand up straight" and "push the stroller don't lean on it."  I was able to keep myself from doing those things but I had to be strict with myself.
I wear my Teva Proton Water shoes when doing hills with the stroller since I need to push off more and I don't want to tear up my feet. Some day I will be able to run with the stroller barefoot on hills. Someday though they will be running with me instead of being pushed in the stroller! Not sure which will come first. For those that wonder, I don't wear shoes to run hills or do speed work unless I am pushing a stroller.

By the time the last hill was being ran I felt strong again and although a little weak inside I knew that I was not going to let the moments I have to run be wasted and as I was running up the last hill I realized that I had more to give and I gave it. I was able to find that energy hidden away and use it!  I was happy with my run by the time it was time to go home. I ended up with 6.5 miles.
We stopped and picked some Lilacs from two prolific bushes.  Milo is just like his mama was when it comes to picking flowers!

He is no longer going to Speech therapy and his therapy play group and I am trying to spend more time engaging him.  It was nice to have him along on my run and it sure was good for me.  The hills were bloody hell until I was done and then it was lovely and I had a fantastic day accomplishing things.  Sam did some testing with his home instruction visiting teacher.  We planted the tomatoes in the garden after hauling loads and loads of mulch. Then  I relaxed and watched several episodes of Rome with my dear one after the spawn were bathed although poor Jupiter is still sick after just barely making it through school today.

 I was feeling hopeful when I found this guy about a 3/4 mile from our house!  Ground scores are the best and this little purple headed super hero reminded me that I love to be out there running even when I don't feel it at the moment.  He is saying "may the course be with you" in a commanding and yet simultaneously squeaky voice.

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